Preview: The 50 States Ignorantly Ranked

A few months ago, I posted a blog on my Medium page called “The 50 States Ignorantly Ranked,” in which I did just that: ranked all 50 US states from worst to least worst, based on my limited geographic knowledge, stereotypes, and no meaningful research. If you want to take a look at it, here’s the link:  The 50 States Ignorantly Ranked

Just kidding, that’s some other nerd’s family-friendly list. I deleted mine from the face of the earth once I realized I wanted to revise it and post a new one to Barstool (if given the green light).

When I initially posted it, there was a handful of people on Twitter who got offended by what I said about their state (I think I unintentionally “fat shamed” some states by pleasantly drawing attention to their high obesity rates).  But other than that, I wasn’t nearly satisfied with the amount of negative feedback I received. With that in mind, I’ve been spending the past couple days trying to make sure I do each state justice and devote my full energy levels to the entire blog (I got lazy toward the end last time).

EXTREME WARNING: there’s currently over 4,500 words in it and I’m not even finished yet, so it’s going to be more of a shitty dissertation and less of a blog. I apologize in advance. I know that automatically eliminates a large percentage of you from even attempting to read it, but I still want your page views, so make sure to click on it and just look at the pictures or scroll to your home state. Or not, I guess.

I already know I’m a cynical hater, but I just find it bizarre when people are overly prideful about weird shit like their home state. Listen, EVERY state sucks. EVERY state has thousands (maybe millions) of people who objectively suck. Every state has thousands of square miles of land that sucks (except Rhode Island and Delaware). And every single state has an infinite amount of reasons why it sucks.

What are you prideful about? Its natural beauty and landforms? That’s all just shit that was already there to begin with, and your state’s lines were coincidentally drawn around them. Unless you’re God, then why would you feel proud about how cool or pretty your home state looks? Are you prideful about the success and accomplishments of the college and professional sports teams? Once your fandom transcends simply rooting for your preferred team and getting excited when they win, to actually feeling a sense of pr…never mind, I’m veering off track here and just being a hater.

What I’m trying to say is that I’ll be ranking and reviewing each of the states and if you want to give me some inside information or material on your home state that you think I could use (I won’t) for the blog, then feel free to let me know on Twitter.